I hope you listened to last week’s show with my sister, Marnie Nir, who is a genius when it comes to all things related to finding and keeping love. (Haven’t listened yet? Click HERE!). Marnie has heard every single sob story when it comes to love and dating. You know the ones I’m talking about:

“All the good ones are taken.”

“Everyone’s either gay, or married.”

“You can’t trust anything people write on dating sites. They’re all fatter, older, shorter, poorer, fill-in-the-blank-er than they say.”

And on and on.

Except what if all the “facts” you’ve been blaming for your crappy love life aren’t even remotely factual? What if the real reason you have a crappy love life is…YOU?

The truth is, most of us are way more attached to our favorite theories of why we can’t find love than we are able to see what a jerk (or a chicken or a brat) WE are being in love. But once you own the role you’re playing, there are bold moves you can make that will get you the connection you want.

My own personal favorite theory about dating used to be: I’ll never find love. But what I had to learn was how critical and mean I was being about the men I was going out with. I’d be on a date, and think, Ew! Not attractive! He never said he was bald. See?! There are no great men out there for women over 50. And I kept proving my theory, over and over, instead of realizing that maybe by being mean and critical, I was attracting men who were mean and critical.

To get out of that cycle, I had to make a few laws—and give myself consequences for breaking them. One consequence: Every time I had a mean thought about a man on a date or a man who sent me a flirty email from a dating site, I had to throw a $1 bill out on the street. Because if I kept on being mean, I was going to end up with a mean man.

Once I changed my thinking, I started dating great men. The bottom line: Maybe YOU’RE the one who is being the jerk! If you’re ready to get the relationship you want, sign up for Marnie’s 4-week Teleseries, Summer Lovin’, [WWW.HANDELGROUP.COM/EVENT] starting June 11th, from 12 to 1 pm EST.